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By Tom Sloper (湯姆 斯洛珀)
March 22, The Year Of The Ox
(until February 14, 2010, then it'll be the year of the Tiger)
Column #398

More of the wisdom of the great Chinese philosopher, Kong Few Shun. Today: selected teachings, master to pupil, as they actually were originally given...

Seeker: "O wise one, what is the best way to save face?"
Kong Few Shun: "Keep lower part shut."

Seeker: "O wise one, when I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?"
Kong Few Shun: "Pencil still in your hand, my son."

Seeker: "O wise one, I heard about a fellow Buddhist who refused Novocain offered by his dentist. Why did he do that?"
Kong Few Shun: "He probably wanted to transcend dental medication."

Seeker: "O wise one, sometimes I just don't use my head."
Kong Few Shun: "No, you do use your head. That is the problem. You need to use somebody else's head."

Seeker: "O wise one, it is said that 'I am' is the shortest sentence in the English language. What is the longest sentence?"
Kong Few Shun: "'I do.'"

Seeker: "O wise one, do hummingbirds hum because they don't know the words?"
Kong Few Shun: "I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid."

Seeker: "O wise one, I am honored to have you grace my hot dog stand. How may I serve you?"
Kong Few Shun: "Make me one with everything."

Seeker: "O wise one, I was a fool when I married her."
Kong Few Shun: "She was probably in love and did not notice."

Seeker: "O wise one, I didn't know you owned a bookstore. It's very nice... and very large. Where is the self-help section?"
Kong Few Shun: "If I told you, that would defeat the purpose."

Seeker: "O wise one, how would the world be different if people didn't get married?
Kong Few Shun: "There would be quite a lot of children to explain, wouldn't there?"

Seeker: "O wise one, why is it that cannibals do not eat clowns?"
Kong Few Shun: "Because they taste funny."

Seeker: "O wise one, I see you are just leaving. How long will you be gone?"
Kong Few Shun: "The whole time."


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