WEEKLY MAHJONG

More of the wisdom of the great Chinese philosopher, Kong Few Shun. Today: selected teachings, master to pupil, as they actually were originally given...

Seeker: "O wise one, what is the best way to save face?"
Kong Few Shun: "Keep lower part shut."

Seeker: "O wise one, when I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?"
Kong Few Shun: "Pencil still in your hand, my son."

Seeker: "O wise one, I heard about a fellow Buddhist who refused Novocain offered by his dentist. Why did he do that?"
Kong Few Shun: "He probably wanted to transcend dental medication."

Seeker: "O wise one, sometimes I just don't use my head."
Kong Few Shun: "No, you do use your head. That is the problem. You need to use somebody else's head."

Seeker: "O wise one, it is said that 'I am' is the shortest sentence in the English language. What is the longest sentence?"
Kong Few Shun: "'I do.'"

Seeker: "O wise one, do hummingbirds hum because they don't know the words?"
Kong Few Shun: "I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid."

Seeker: "O wise one, I am honored to have you grace my hot dog stand. How may I serve you?"
Kong Few Shun: "Make me one with everything."

Seeker: "O wise one, I was a fool when I married her."
Kong Few Shun: "She was probably in love and did not notice."

Seeker: "O wise one, I didn't know you owned a bookstore. It's very nice... and very large. Where is the self-help section?"
Kong Few Shun: "If I told you, that would defeat the purpose."

Seeker: "O wise one, how would the world be different if people didn't get married?
Kong Few Shun: "There would be quite a lot of children to explain, wouldn't there?"

Seeker: "O wise one, why is it that cannibals do not eat clowns?"
Kong Few Shun: "Because they taste funny."

Seeker: "O wise one, I see you are just leaving. How long will you be gone?"
Kong Few Shun: "The whole time."

Click the entries in the header frame, above, to read other columns.

Question or comment about this column? Email and the discussion will be posted on the Mah-Jongg Q&A Bulletin Board.

Photos of the 2007 WMJC in E Mei Shan, China.
Photos of the 2007 OEMC in Copenhagen.
Photos of the Fourth China Majiang Championship and Forum in Tianjin, 2006.
Photos of the Third China Majiang Championship and Forum in Beijing, 2005.
Photos of the 2005 OEMC
Photos of the 2003 CMOC.
Photos of the 2002 WCMJ.

Want to play Chinese Official rules on your computer?

• Offline (solo vs. computer opponents): Four Winds from Lagarto & Armadillo Graphics is available at http://www.4windsmj.com.
• Online (play against human players around the world): Mahjongtime is at http://www.mahjongtime.com

• FAQ 22 answers the most frequently asked questions about Chinese Official scoring.
• Download the official English translation of the Majiang Competition Rules for free at http://www.chinamajiang.com/ssxx20.html.
• And be sure to download the MCR Errata/Addenda HERE. And you should also download Per Starbäck's "Beyond the Green Book" at http://starback.se/mj/beyond/.
• Competition Mahjong Official International Rulebook ("OIRB"). Takeshobo, 2002. ISBN 4-8124-0944-6. Condensed and now somewhat outdated English translation of the official Chinese rules, still useful as a reference. Translator: Ryan Morris. You can download it HERE.
• World Champion Mai Hatsune and fellow Japanese champion player Takunori Kajimoto have written the definitive strategy guide to Mahjong Competition Rules. It's been translated into English and is available for free at http://museum.takeshobo.co.jp/kokusai/index.html.
• For more help with your MCR strategy, see www.tilehog.net.
• Another useful MCR strategy tool is at http://www.mahjong-o-matic.com.

© 2009 Tom Sloper. All rights reserved.